Women's Wicked Wit. On the Subject of Beauty.

witty quotes from women on the subject of beauty, funny quotes


Here’s another selection of hilarious quotes* from the acerbic queens of wit.  This time it’s on the subject of beauty…..


Such an attractive lass.  So outdoorsy.  She loves nature in spite of what it did to her.  Bette Midler on Princess Anne.






She is so hairy – when she lifted up her arm,I thought it was Tina Turner in her armpit.  Joan Rivers on Madonna.



You could not have said I was ‘cute as a speckled pup’ without expecting the speckled pup to piss on your leg out of resentment’.  Dolly Parton on her childhood freckles.



Every time I hear some smooth voice over on a hair ad say ‘It’s really important to have healthy shiny hair’ I think, not if you look like the back of a bus it aint.  Jo Brand

 

My body is falling so fast my gynaecologist wears a hard hat.  Joan Rivers

I was at the beauty parlour for five hours.  And that was just for the estimate.  Phyllis Diller






If the Nobel Prize was offered by a woman, it would go to the inventor of the dimmer switch.  Kathy Lette






My feet are small for the same reason my waist is small.  Things don’t grow in the shade.  Dolly Parton






As for blondes having more fun, well let me dispel that rumour forever.  They do.  Maureen Lipman






The great question – what do people DO for fun in countries where there are no blondes?  Paula Yates






* Extracted from the book 'Women's Wicked Wit' by Michelle Lovric.  Click here for more info.