Top 5 Snappy Comebacks

We’ve all had times when we wished we’d thought of a drop-dead snappy comeback.  Here are 5 of the best:

Snappy Comeback No 1

A stewardess was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."



Snappy Comeback No 2

A woman was picking through the frozen chickens at the supermarket, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked the shelf stacker, "Do these chickens get any bigger?" He replied, "No, they're dead."

Snappy Comeback No 3

A policeman got out of his car and the lad who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the policeman said. The lad replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the lad on his way without a ticket.

Snappy Comeback No. 4

A lorry driver was driving along. A sign came up that read "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knew it the bridge was right ahead of him and he got stuck under it. Cars were backed up for miles.. Finally, a police car came along. The policeman got out of his car and walked around to the lorry driver, puts his hands on his hips and said, "Got stuck?" The lorry driver said, "No mate, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

And finally, saving the best till last...

Snappy Comeback  No 5

A university lecturer reminds her students of the next day’s final exam. "Now, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart-ass bloke in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter. When silence is restored, the lecturer smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I suppose you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."