Ready to Give Him 'The Talk'? Why You Shouldn't.

Ready to Give Him 'The Talk'?  Why You Shouldn't.


The light has gone out of your relationship.  Things are not the way they used to be and you think it’s time you had ‘The Talk’.  Think again.

Think about the last time you tried to ‘fix’ this relationship or perhaps one in the past.  Is it possible you did some or all of the following?

*You tried to "rationalise" the situation.  For example, convince him how great your relationship is or could be and how he's in error for not seeing this. Perhaps you found this didn’t work quite the way you’d hoped?

*You tried being nicer, more affectionate, doing even more for him in the hope that he'd reciprocate and start the journey back to the ‘way things were’.  You may have found he simply didn’t reciprocate and was possibly even irritated.  You, as a result, may have felt even more resentful.

*You showed the hurt you felt and hoped he would recognise your pain and do something about it.  However, it could be that the more pain he saw the more distant he became.

*You tried desperately to get him to open up about how he’s feeling and work on the relationship.  You may have found this seemed to push him further away.

You may recognise these behaviour patterns and their frequently accompanying responses. You may well draw back from trying them again (because they didn’t work)  yet you feel you have to do something.  Yes, you could simply ignore past failures and try to ‘convince’ him that what is true in your world should logically be true in his.  Many of us clearly believe it’s possible to ‘talk’ our way back into a deep connection and are puzzled when our partner simply pulls further away.    

However, radical as it sounds, we could try completely changing our approach - not criticising, not pushing for more affection, not seeking a reaction, not seeking to ‘do it all’ in the relationship and resenting every moment of it. 

We’ve all noticed how many female friends lose themselves when in a relationship.  They stop doing things that mattered to them and made them fulfilled and happy in order to concentrate on keeping their partner happy. They stop seeing friends, exercising, pursuing hobbies and the things that kept them positive, separate and interesting. It may be that we’ve lost ourselves too.

Instead of trying to our partners into seeing things our way, we could try  inspiring them to re-connect with the powerful feelings they used to have for us.  It’s a simple but obvious truth that if we’re not the same women we used to be (because we’ve dropped all the things that made us uniquely ourselves) then we’re simply not the same women our partners fell in love with.

So instead of trying to ‘fix’ our relationships, perhaps we should consider re-connecting with ourselves and let our relationships take care of themselves.
    
Have YOUR Say

Have you had any successes - or indeed failures - with reasoning your way back to a meaningful relationship connection?  Click here to visit our forums or leave a comment below.