THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN*

We're often told about the differences between men and women.  But why not celebrate gender differences and use them as a way to enrich your relationship rather than damage it?

Managing Expectations

People in relationships often have strong expectations that their partner will be just like they are. Of course you may go some way toward growing togther but it's unlikely that you'll alter basic gender differences!   It's easier to make yourself aware of those differences, accept that they're there, they're real and not going away.  In this way you can learn to use the differences as a way to enrich your relationship.

Psychological Differences

Girls develop the right side of brain faster than boys.  This side is responsible for talking, vocabulary, pronunciation, reading earlier and  better memory.

Boys develop the left side of their brains faster than girls.  This side is responsible for visual-spatial-logical skills, perceptual skills, improved maths, problem solving, building and figuring out puzzles.

Girls are more interested in toys with faces than boys are; play with stuffed animals and dolls more.

Boys are drawn to blocks or anything that can be manipulated.
 

Physical Differences

The X chromosome provides colour cells (cones) in the eyes.  Women have two X chromosomes, men only one.  So women can see a greater range of colours.

Men have poorer peripheral vision than women. The left and right brain hemispheres are connected by a bundle of nerve fibres called the corpus callosum which allows both sides of the brain to communicate and exchange information.

Women have up to 30% more connections than men, facilitating multi-tasking.

Because of fewer connecting fibres mens' brains are more compartmentalised, hence one thing at a time. When men are reading, brain scan show their hearing is impaired.

While men have no distinct centre for speech in the brain; women have a large speech centre on both sides of the brain.  Hence women are good conversationalists.

Male brains are compartmentalised and can separate and store information, whereas in women information can keep going round in their head! Women need to talk about their problems to aknowledge them and discharge them.

Men have a bigger centre for spatial ability than women, hence better map reading skills
 
Nature or Nurture?
 
It's obvious that different approaches to socialising children will be influential to the child's development.  To what extent do we nurture gender differences?

Both men and women speak louder to boys than girl infants; they are softer and express more "cooing" with girls.

Boys are rarely told they are sweet or pretty; boys are told they are a big strong boy.

Boys handled more physically and robustly than girls, bounced around more.

Girls are caressed and stroked more than boys.

Mothers show a wider range of emotional response to girls than boys. When girls showed anger, mothers faces showed greater facial disapproval than when boys showed anger. This may influence why girls grow up smiling more, more social, and better able to interpret emotions than boys.

Fathers use "command terms" with boys more than girls.

Nursery rhymes, books and cartoons perpetuate stereotypes,which often promote damsel in distress, frumpy housewife, helpless senior citizen, sexy heroine and swooning princesses.

Girls use more terms of endearment than boys.

Boys get away with more aggressive antisocial behavior in school and home than girls.

Girls who act as tomboys are accepted; boys who act like girls are severely reprimanded ("don't cry" "Don't be a sissy").

Girls tend to talk about other people and share secrets in order to bond friendships.

Boys talk about things and activities. What they are doing and who is best at the activity.

Teenage girls talk about boys, clothes and weight.

Teenage boys talk about sports, mechanics, and function of things.

At age 12-18 the most important event for girls is to have a boyfriend.

At age 2-18 boys are equally interested in the following: sex, cars and sports.

This carries into adulthood when women talk about relationships, people, diet, clothing, physical appearance. Men talk about sports, work, money, cars, news, politics, and the mechanics of things.
  
Values and Self- Esteem as Adults

Men
 
A man's sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results, accomplish goals and prove his competence. Men's self esteem is more career-related.

To feel good about himself, men must achieve goals by themselves. 
For men, doing things by themselves is a symbol of efficiency, power and competence.

In general, men are more interested in objects and things rather than people and feelings.

Men are often reluctant to talk about their problems unless they are seeking "expert" advice; asking for help when you can do something yourself is a sign of weakness.

Men tend on the whole to be more aggressive than women; more combative and territorial.

Many men feel devastated by failure and financial setbacks; they tend to obsess about money much more than women.

Many men are reluctant to ask for information as it may suggest failure.
 

Women

Women value love, communication, beauty and relationships.

A woman's sense of self is defined through their feelings and the quality of their relationships. They spend much time supporting, nurturing and helping each other. They tend to experience fulfillment through sharing and relating.

Personal expression, in clothes and feelings, is very important.

Communication is important. Talking, sharing and relating is one way a woman feels good about herself.

For women, offering help is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength; it is a sign of caring to give support.

Women are very concerned about issues relating to physical attractiveness; changes in this area can be as difficult for women as changes in a man's financial status.

When men are preoccupied with work or money, women interpret it as rejection.