Think Your Man Has a Mistress? She Might be Doing You a Favour....

why mistresses are a good thing, do affairs help marriages stay together,

There’s a line of thinking that says if a man is looking for more excitement in his life and he takes a mistress, it makes it more – not less – likely that he’ll stay with his wife longer term. 

Why?  Well, in theory at least, if he gets the excitement he craves outside of the marriage, by and large he then has everything he needs.

So why in reality do so many men leave their families and set up shop with their mistresses?  It could simply be because that’s what the mistress demands, not necessarily because that’s what the man in question ultimately wants.

But what if the mistress isn’t actually looking for a full-time relationship?  Could the affair then be beneficial to the wife?

We’ve collected the thoughts of several women* in precisely that position.  They make interesting reading!

‘Two years ago my husband left me for another woman.  I swore I’d never put myself through that pain again and I’d never live with a man or marry.  I never again want any man to be the centre of my life and be able to pull the rug out from under my feet. 

Yes, I do want love and sex in my life but prefer to get that from someone who isn’t in a position to get too involved, won’t demand too much from me or put any kind of pressure on me to commit.  A married man is ideal in that respect.  I’d never put pressure on my part-time man to leave his wife – that’s the last thing I want.  I’m doing her a favour in a way.  I provide the excitement he isn’t getting at home and he’s happy the rest of the time to play perfect hubby and perfect daddy.  Where’s the problem?’   Carolyn, 39.


‘I’ve never had a notion to settle down or marry.  I’ve always loved that first year of a relationship – what they call the ‘honeymoon period’.  After that it all becomes so humdrum and every time you try to finish the relationship there’s always tears or anger and recrimination.   When you hardly see someone and they know there’s no future in it then somehow you stay in the honeymoon period.  Maybe because you both know the whole thing’s got a time limit on it? 

With the married men I’ve dated there’s almost been a relief when it’s ended and they didn’t get found out.  They can go back to the wife and family having had time out, fun and a massive ego boost.   And I move on to more excitement.  It’s win, win don’t you think?’   Harriet, 43


‘I find a wedding ring the most sexy thing a man can wear, even though I’ve never worn one myself!  Maybe it’s a subconscious thing – the ring means they’re not available long term.  I think I’m afraid of commitment because most of my married girlfriends say they feel taken for granted and totally bored.  They’d love a bit of excitement but they daren’t risk breaking up the family.  I’ve never asked any man to leave his wife for me - that's just not in my plans. I’m free to keep moving on whenever the relationship exceeds its sell-by date.  A lot of my friends were horrified when I started dating married men but now they know I never actually break relationships up there’s definitely a grudging respect’.   Liz, 31

 Have YOUR Say

Do YOU think that having a mistress could ever be beneficial to a marriage?  Do you think it matters if the wife never finds out? Place a comment below.

*Names and identities have been changed to protect privacy.