'Unfriend' Your Partner on Facebook. Today.

why being friends with your partner on Facebook can ruin your relationship



Your partner’s on Facebook, he wants to be your friend.  You couldn’t possibly say no, could you?

Or you’re already established on Facebook and – intrigued – your partner wants to join.  Why would you discourage him?

Actually, more and more relationship counsellors are suggesting that perhaps you should.  Ian Kerner, sex therapist and couples counsellor suggests that ‘status updates’ can kill your sex life and/or that a partner’s interrogation of the nature of your relationship with other friends can lead to serious relationship stress.

He quotes Jack, one of his patients, married for eight years:
 “Let’s see, yesterday my wife:  felt bloated, realised she has nothing to wear, posted yet another adorable photo album of our boys dressed as Jedi warriors, was missing Michael Jackson and, oh yeah … DID NOT HAVE SEX WITH ME!”

Another patient, Katrina, feels like her spouse is constantly scrutinising her every comment on Facebook. “He’s always been the jealous type, but now he’s like a stalker.  It’s like I’m being monitored by the thought-police and every new friend is an interrogation.”  Exhausted and frustrated,  Katrina’s deactivated her account.  No surprise though, she feels suffocated and resentful.

As Dr. Kerner says, we’ve all heard the phrase ‘familiarity breeds contempt’.  What we write on our walls might be intended to create a sense of intimacy or closeness but sometimes it can verge on the mind-numbingly banal.  Says he ‘In a Facebook marriage, the sense of mystery may be subsumed by the mundane’.

He recommends we strive, instead, to cultivate and protect a sense of excitement and novelty in our relationships.  In the early days of romance couples simply aren’t aware of every detail of what their partner is doing or thinking.  And that sense of intrigue can often be what fuels desire and passion. So if the counsellors are right, perhaps it’s best you ‘unfriend’ your partner today and gain back your lover!


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