Living Together - Make it Work!
Living together: Make it Work!
Of course you thought living with your Mr. Darcy would be cosy, passion-filled and downright idyllic. But it’s amazing how fast we’re all brought to earth as we start bickering over whose turn it is to empty the dish washer and do the hoovering!
When we’re squabbling yet again over the remote control or explaining for the umpteenth time that you really must separate the whites from the darks, he’s looking less the handsome hero and more like that student flatmate from hell...
Don’t give up hope and put your relationship out with the rubbish. For every problem there’s a solution and where there’s a will……there’s inevitably a way!
Problem: The Neat Freak vs. The Sloppy Joe
Solution: Agree a compromise
Neat and sloppy people living together can spawn never-ending, thoroughly exhausting rounds of arguments.
However, it's possible for you to agree to a compromise. Together decide how it’s reasonable to expect the house to look so that neither party feels they have to change totally.
However, it's possible for you to agree to a compromise. Together decide how it’s reasonable to expect the house to look so that neither party feels they have to change totally.
Problem: He’s Allergic to Housework
Solution: Delegate the Chores Intelligently
We all have chores we ‘prefer’ and ones we find particularly intolerable. Make a list of everything that needs to be done and put a number from 1 to 10 next to each – 1 being the ones you least like doing, 10 being the ones you don’t especially mind. If you can, allow one another the chores you most like then come to some sort of agreement about how you’ll divvy up the rest. If he doesn’t respect the agreement and carry out his chores – don‘t nag! Instead stop doing everything that isn’t absolutely necessary. You can leave the bins full to the brim and the dishwasher unemptied. Yes, it’s hard but if you give in and do his share of the chores once he’ll naturally assume that’s what will happen each and every time. Be firm and be consistent – an agreement is an agreement. If you let it go and resentment builds up and longterm this will inevitably damage your relationship. (See 'What Did you Do Today?')
Problem: Arguing About Who Pays the Bills
Solution: Open a Joint Account.
Dont worry if you have to have three accounts in the early days (individual accounts and a joint one). Contribute an agreed percentage of your monthly salary into the joint account to pay household bills depending on what you can afford and how you have decided to divide up the bills. Make sure it's fairly done and, for the long term health of your relationship, try not to take advantage of one another.
Problem: Every Disagreement Becomes an Argument
Solution: Learn to respect gender differences and argue ‘fairly’. Read our article on how to communicate with the opposite sex.
Problem: Your Stuff and his Stuff Clash
Solution: start thinking ‘ours,’ not ‘yours’ and ‘mine’.
Problem – Not Enough Personal Space
Solution: Make a Time and Place to be Alone
It’s vital to relationship health to allow each other sufficient personal space. Everyone’s different in the degree to which they need it, but most people need a time and space to be alone sometimes. Failure to do this can result in one or both partners feeling smothered or overwhelmed. Spending every minute together really isn’t healthy! Problem – You're Not Respecting Each Other's Privacy
Solution: Learn to Trust
Both you and your partner have a right not to have your privacy violated without good reason. Are you feeling a compulsive need to search his pockets or read his personal emails, texts and mail? Then you should discuss why it is you don’t feel able to trust him, or him you. That failure could cause serious problems in any relationship.
Both you and your partner have a right not to have your privacy violated without good reason. Are you feeling a compulsive need to search his pockets or read his personal emails, texts and mail? Then you should discuss why it is you don’t feel able to trust him, or him you. That failure could cause serious problems in any relationship.
Useful Books and Sites
Relate offers advice, relationship counselling, sex therapy, workshops, mediation, consultations and support face-to-face, by phone and through their website. Click here to visit....
Informed Book Recommendation: Living Together. Myths, Risks & Answers
Mike & Harriet McManus.
Mike & Harriet McManus. Do YOU have any top tips on living together harmoniously? Why not share them with others? Why not post a quick comment below.....
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