Children
Children and Divorce
Divorce is a particularly difficult time for all of the family. Many children find it difficult to deal with the break down of the family and it's important that the situation is made as easy for them as possible.
10 Most Asked Questions
- How can you minimise the effect of divorce on children?
· In a divorce where children are involved it is important that you form a working partnership with your ex to provide a united front for your child.
· Your child may have a different view of the situation than you do and many children fear that they have done something to drive their parents apart. It is important that you mask your own distress in front of your child to create an atmosphere in which your child can express his/her feelings.
· It is crucial that children have reassurance that the split is not their fault.
· Make sure that you do not undermine your partner to your child; it is not fair to make your child choose sides.
· Remember children who are given support in the process of divorce will quickly learn to deal with their new family situation.
2. Should you let you child make up his or her own mind about residence?
Forcing a child to decide whether they want to live with their mother or father can put them in a very difficult position. The majority of children will not want to express preference between their parents. Asking a child to make this difficult decision is simply placing more pressure on them in an already very difficult moment in their lives. Unless a child expresses that they would like to live with either their mother or father it is better if you decide with your partner an arrangement which will suit both you and the child.3. How is residence determined?
If an agreement cannot be reached about the residence of your child then you will have to take your case to court. When making the decision the court must consider a number of your child’s circumstances to make sure that they reach the best outcome possible. In particular the court considers the following factors;
- Your child’s own wishes and feelings.
- Your child’s physical, emotional and educational needs.
- The effect on your child of any changes to their circumstances.
- Your child’s sex, background, age and any other relevant circumstances.
- How capable both parents are in caring for their child.
- What happens if you cannot come to an agreement on your child’s residence?
If you and your partner cannot come to an agreement on your child’s residence then you should consider attending mediation. This is a voluntary process with the aim to helping you decide on an appropriate arrangement for you and your child with the help of a mediator. You could even be eligible for free mediation if you are on benefits or earn a low income. However, if mediation does not resolve the problem you will have to take your case to court.
- Is there more than one type of residence order?
Yes. There are two types of residence orders which can be awarded. You could either be awarded full residence or joint (shared) residence. Full residence means that the court states which parent the child will live with on a permanent basis. It may also allow some time in which the other parent can have contact with their child. Shared residence is made in favour of both parents and the court will decide the period of time that the child will spend with each parent. However, shared residence does not mean that the amount spent with each parent is equal.
- How long does a residence order last?
Normally a residence order will last until the child is sixteen years old.
How is child maintenance worked out?
The Child Support Agency take information given to them from both parents to calculate how much maintenance should be paid. If you would like an estimate of what you or your ex-husband should be paying in maintenance then you can use the child maintenance calculator which can be found on the Child Support Agency website which is https://secureonline.dwp.gov.uk/csa/v2/en/calculate-maintenance.asp .
- If you are divorcing when should you start to organise child maintenance?
You should try and make arrangements for child maintenance as soon as you decide on the divorce. It's important to protect your child and ensure they're financially covered.
- Can a child maintenance agreement be changed if it is not working out?
Yes. If you have a private agreement with your partner then this can be altered at any time. If your agreement is organised through the Child Support Agency then you can contact them and ask them to change your arrangement for you.
- What if your ex-partner refuses to pay child maintenance?
You can inform the Child Support Agency that your ex-husband or partner is no longer paying child maintenance. They have the ability to force them to pay the appropriate amount.
Useful Links for Children in Divorce.
Child Maintenance Options
Child Support Agency
This legal information is simply and guide and it is not advice.
Please consult your local solicitor for information and advice.
Have Your Say
Have YOU had experiences of negotiating child residence that you'd like to share? Click here to visit our forums or why not post a comment below.....
There are local people who can help you with the trauma of divorce - the emotions, stress and physical upheavals are quite unique to divorce.
Resources locally:
Frances Byatt Smith - The Parent Centre - provides a wonderful resource for parents and children struggling in the transition or afterwards.
Jackie Walker - The Divorce Coach - yes that's me! I mend broken hearts and minds - dealing mainly with the emotional turmoil which surrounds divorce. I'm a coach/counsellor/therapist and professional winkle picker (able to know what you're really wanting to say but not) - I make sure you are supported, provide emergency back up calls and give you ways to help you through the real pain and misery.
Bill Smith - Scotia Independent Finance - is an IFA with a strong handle on understanding the financial implications of divorce. This really is a specialist area and in amongst other things you really need to have someone to turn to who truly understands pensions etc.
If you are willing to jointly minimise the knock on effects of divorce - Collaborative Family Law - offers you the opportunity to keep out of court, meet round the table with your respective solicitors and come to a joint agreement by way of negotiation.
Careful planning, a clear understanding and the willingness to negotiate go a long way in divorce. Letting your negative emotions tie you to one route - yours - is far from helpful. Ask for the help you need to make informed choices.
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