Mutton Patrol - How Not to Dress Like Your Teenager

MUTTON PATROL – HOW NOT TO DRESS LIKE YOUR TEENAGER



We constantly hear that 50 is the new 40 and 40 the new 30. 

Nonetheless the issue of age-appropriate dressing is a very real one for women of a certain age. 

While we see so many women looking frumpy and dowdy because they dress too old (mutton dressed as ma’am) it’s important to think about whether you might be dressing  too young.   Not only do you risk fatally embarrassing  your teenager, but you’ll find dressing too young can be even more aging than the proverbial cardi and slippers.

If yours is definitely a more mature baaa and you want to avoid those cringe-making lamb impersonations, here are our top tips:

Avoid really low rise jeans and treating your teen’s pals to a flash of bum-crack and thong. 

The decolletage is one of the first areas to age. Avoid showing too much, especially if it’s crepey.  A little hint is fine (to around the top of your cleavage)  but not the  full plunge.

Make sure skirts and dresses reach at least to the top of the knee.
Skirts which exceed the bottom of your knees can be frumpy (unless you’ve really long legs).  If you really must, they’re best worn with heels.

 If you prefer to wear flat shoes, keep your skirts no longer than the bottom of the knees.

Avoid too-short  t-shirts that afford a glimpse of muffin top.

Steer clear of obviously fake tan.  Try something more gradual and convincing like moisturisers which contain a little self-tan.

Overbleached hair may look glamorous on a smooth-skinned, wide-eyed teen.  On the over 40’s it looks trailer-trash cheap.

Going braless is a brave move at any age.  After 40 and especially after childbirth (when your nipples head for the gutter)  it’s a triumph of hope over reality.

Leggings can make even the skinniest teen look like Max Wall.  However, worn under a floaty summer dress they can be a great way to cover up less than perfect legs and give an acceptably youthful look to a wardrobe staple.

Just as long hair can be too ageing, so can that too-short pixie look.  Avoid bright coloured dyes (such as scarlet and aubergine).

Make-up should err on the understated side. Opt for a light, moist foundation that won’t collect in wrinkles.  Choose natural colours and avoid bright heavy lipsticks that can migrate into top lip crevices. Over-heavy mascara and red ‘dolly’ cheeks are real no-nos.

Acres of gold bling  (e.g. rings on every finger, multiple chains and huge hoop earrings) are a real 80’s ‘Mr T’ look and are seriously ageing.

Sweatshirts with hoods look best on youngsters.  Unless you’re exercising.

Ditto short denim skirts.  Even with leggings.

Little shoestring straps are not so flattering on arms that have lost their elasticity.  Don’t avoid showing your arms all together though.  Depending on your shape, a short, cap or flutter sleeve can look great.

Last but not least, get yourself a ‘mutton monitor’ ie a really good friend who’ll tell it like it is!
 

Have YOUR Say

Do you have any observations on the subject of mutton-as-lamb (or indeed mutton-as-ma'am!).  Leave a comment below.